Labour - a dead parrot?

Morning Mugs, 

Well that was a fun few weeks ...not. We've had weeks of obfuscation, lying, denials, made up stats, fake news, cowardice and arse-gravy bollocks talk all ending up with a serial liar running the country for the next 5 years. 

Yes, you voted Tory to stick one on Labour with their shit leadership and Unicorn policies, but in doing so, you have made your own bed and will have to lie in it. And when you come fucking whinging and crying, I for one shall say 'fuck you' because you now deserve everything you get.

But that aside, where else could you have gone? The Lib Dems have been on life support since Nick Clegg decided to get into bed with the Tories of Cameron rather than the ideologically closer Gordon Brown. That I fear was a fatal mistake, despite the Lib Dems providing a brake on the rampant Tory-ism we could have seen then, and have seen since. No other party under 'first past the post' (FPTP) will eve again more than a few seats in the single digits. Unless of course the SNP decide to run in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. In which case they'd get my vote.

No, the field is now decidedly blue. The Tories have an 80 seat majority that even a 1997 Blair like swing won't be enough to get Labour back into power. The far left have such a grip on the party that they seem happy to accept 30 years plus in opposition, a weak and ineffective opposition still plying their vastly unpopular far left policies in the hope the electorate wilt and decide it's the best way. Hell genuinely has a chance of appearing, then freezing over before that happens.

In my lifetime of voting, 40 years exactly now, I have seen one Labour leader win an election, and he won three on the bounce, matching the best the Tories have ever won consecutively. Tony Blair. Now I realise he can get people's anger up over Iraq, but the truth is we had to back Bush and the US in that campaign, that's our treaty under both the UN and NATO. And the hard fact is, Saddam was an evil cunt that did need removing. They should have taken Mugabe, and whichever Kim was in charge of North Korea out as well. 

My bigger point is that holding Blair as a bad leader for one fuck up, when Thatcher is lauded, although she allowed the Argies to walk in to the Falklands and engineer a war to bolster her popularity, is hugely hypocritical. Just about everything else was pretty good. And let's be honest, no government is fuck up free. Labour needs to recapture the centre ground. It needs to realise that when you tell the centre moderate eft to fuck off as they are Tory lite, then don't be surprised when they do. 

Labour needs to realise that blaming Blair, Campbell, the Lib Dems, the Greens, Brexit, the mainstream media and for all I know, the fucking boogie is never going to get them into power. Moderate, progressive, meritocratic socialist policies can win the public over if delivered by a party of reason, that embraces a broad church and isn't anti-semitic and despatches the far left idiots to the Communist Party. Without that, then it faces decades of obscurity. See that Tony Blair fellow? He knew how to win. Learn the lesson from him, learn the lessons of this embarrassing defeat. Until you win then your ability to change anything is fuck all, zero, zilch. 

Later Mugs, GJ

Back soon....

Morning Mugs

I'm doing a little freebie course on Humanism.....no....seriously......it's a sort of addition to the stuff I studied for my degree. So when it's done (this week with luck and effort) then there's lots to write about...isn't there?

Later Mugs, GJ

The Multi-buy Age

Afternoon Mugs, 

I'm 58. Fifty-fucking-eight. It seems like just yesterday I was being a miserable fucker when hitting 30, a much happier person at 40, and to be honest even better at 50. I think 50 was the realisation that I no longer gave a fuck about very much other than family and pets and those close intimate things that make life worth living. It takes that long to work out what the fuck actually matters. 

Since then it's been a joy for the most part, apart from the regular failings in a body that the brain thinks can still do various things it could do at 10, 20, 30 etc......this is of course wrong. Everyday something else aches. I ache in bed. I ache during the day and need more sleep, but seem to get less than ever. That is another blog post subject though. 

However , one of the joys is the realisation that I no longer have to worry about being in fashion. I can choose clobber that is comfortable, warm when cold, cool when it's hot. No skinny jeans here. No underwear to be seen outside of my jeans unless the fly is open. No baseball caps (they're pretty much worn by idiots anyway). I now wear lovely flat caps. I have a wax jacket. Sensible coats. Sensible and pragmatic clobber all round. I like the latest gadgets, I love my iPhone, my iPad, my iMac, my iPod (yes Apple haven me in their grip) and my Apple Watch. 

But one thing is very clear.....when I buy stuff now, stuff that fits, stuff that does the job it's supposed to, stuff that enhances my life and stuff In like ..I now more often than not buy 2 or more of them? 

A pack of socks made by Jeep that are good for walking and are warm? I'll have 2 packs then. And then I'll double the order. Got a nice quilted jacket that's waterproof and warm, buy one in black and orange and one in khaki and green. Walking boots....one pair is not enough, I need a backup pair. Deal sorted. Summer cargo shorts? Why not have 6 pairs? Trousers that convert to shorts? Yep, think I'll have 5 pairs please. Apple Watch extra bands.....4 please ...different colours. Phone case? Yep, 2 please, different colours. Charlie Tyrhitt shirts? 4 for £100...blimey.....I'll have 12 then. Glasses? I'll have 3 normal pairs, a prescription sunnies pair and a pair of this that change in the sun from clear to dark. 

And it goes on. Even down to buying a bag of frozen fruit..get two. Porridge? I'll have 2 packs then. I buy loo roll at 135 packs a time through Groupon. Bin bags are bought in bulk. Dishwasher tablets at 200 a time. 

You get the drift. Some might call it stockpiling, but I've spoken to lots of blokes my age who do similar to either greater or lesser degree. I think it's a fear of finally finding something that is worth the money and does what you want, and the rational fear that in future it won't exist...it will be replaced by something close but not the same, and therefore won't be as good. 

I have no intention of changing this policy at any time. It's security. A comfort blanket. A cuggy. It's a bloke thing. it's now an entry criteria into the Guild of Grumpy Blokes (also open to women). 

Later Mugs, GJ

Litter

Afternoon Mugs,

I have 2 dogs now. After getting the first I very quickly realised what a bunch of horrible fuckers we are when it comes to finding a fucking bin to dump coke scans, baby wipes, red bull cans, cigarette packets, sweet wrappers, tissue paper, cake wrappers, old sock.(yes old socks ffs)  and Christ only knows what else. I also discovered some people don't think the responsibility of being a dog owner means picking up your dogs shit after they've had a dump. But walking a dog mens you get top see this because ....well....dogs are greedy fuckers that will eat anything pretty much put in front of them, including some or all of the stuff mentioned above. And I am not at all happy about removing manky old socks from either dogs mouth. Or tissues ..or anything other than a freshly broken stick from a nearby tree. 

I mean, how hard is it to just shove the litter in a carrier bag and dump it in one of the numerous bins in the village? I don't want to stereotype but my guess is the majority of the litter is left by teenagers which think it isn't cool to use a bin, or are downright dirty filthy shitbags, or have been too busy fingering or wanking each other in the dark of the corner of the field to remove the leftovers of their pre-fumble feast. At least that's how I remember it......

Dog owners who don't pick up their hounds shit are just lazy parcels of fuckwittery and cuntishness. I'd love to be like Liam Neesson in Taken, so fucking hard that when I saw this happen I could successfully rub the owners faces in the shit and then use their hands to wipe the dogs arse. Having broken their noses first. 

Moral? Don't be a lazy, good for nothing littering, dog shit abandoning moron. Because I'm losing my shit over this......

Later Mugs , GJ 

Grumpy grumpy grumpy

Morning Mugs

I've tried. Fuck knows I've tried. I've tried to tone down my grumpiness, but .....fuck it....all I'm doing is masking the natural gravitational call of grumpiness that grows in impact with each passing year. Right now I'm dealing with a situation at work where customers want to order a service from us that requires us to stump up cash for 3rd party services in order to deliver for the customer, only to be told all the money for 2019/2020 is spent. FOR FUCKS SAKE.....how does anybody sanction this as a method for running a business. This is the equivalent of you engaging a builder to design and deliver a new extension.....and the builder says that due to his financial processes whilst you can place the order, he can't buy any materials, do the design, plan any time or resource until the next financial year when a new Capital budget is in place. 

Dear Customer, we value your loyal business but please fuck off with any dreams of getting your work started before April due to my own fuckwit internal processes. 

Yeah, it's that fucking stupid. Would I run my own business like this? Only if I wanted to have the worst reputation for delivery in that field and a desire for bankruptcy. 

Why have I tried to tone down the grumpiness? I just thought it would make life easier, more positive, more sparky. Happier. But the truth is it just closes a valve on what was cathartic way of releasing the steam of frustration, confusion and being utterly perplexed by modern life...all whilst looking like someone who's mastered the arse-gravy fucked up bollocks of modern living. 

So, Mugs, expect to see twitter links, expect more vitriol, bile and sneering confusion and hopefully on a daily basis. There'll be dog stuff from time to time, they're too naughty to be ignored. But lets hope a for return to the laughable self centred glory days of Grocerjack and the idiots I deal with or watch from a distance. 

Later Mugs, GJ

Twice the fun. Twice the hard work.

Morning Mugs

Here he is, Dog number 2. Arriving 3rd November. He was called Elmo and that will be on his passport, but his name will be Ossie...named after Chelsea icon Peter Osgood. 

One dog is a handful, but two dogs? Twice the fun I'm sure!

Later Mugs, GJ

Softie Klaxon

Afternoon Mugs,

He's been with us since the 1st May. He chews everything not out of reach. He leaps at the grandchildren and licks them. He licks me. He licks everyone. He play nips from time to time. He needs walking twice a day and constantly needs to go in and out off the garden. He'll eat anything dropped on the floor. He barks at daft times and sometimes for no apparent reason that we can see. The cats either run away from him, or run hissing at him, and they constantly have to bat him away. He's cost us loads in toys, chewy things, food and treats as well as vets bills for castration and a dew claw removal. 

Then there's the cost of leads, poo bags, harnesses, collars, trackers and ID tags.

But here's the thing. We love him. And, it seems he loves us. Unconditionally. 

So ....what on earth has made us reserve a second dog from the brilliant Cyprus Rescue and Rehome group? 

Life is going to change again.

Later Mugs, GJ