Afternoon Mugs,
I'm 58. Fifty-fucking-eight. It seems like just yesterday I was being a miserable fucker when hitting 30, a much happier person at 40, and to be honest even better at 50. I think 50 was the realisation that I no longer gave a fuck about very much other than family and pets and those close intimate things that make life worth living. It takes that long to work out what the fuck actually matters.
Since then it's been a joy for the most part, apart from the regular failings in a body that the brain thinks can still do various things it could do at 10, 20, 30 etc......this is of course wrong. Everyday something else aches. I ache in bed. I ache during the day and need more sleep, but seem to get less than ever. That is another blog post subject though.
However , one of the joys is the realisation that I no longer have to worry about being in fashion. I can choose clobber that is comfortable, warm when cold, cool when it's hot. No skinny jeans here. No underwear to be seen outside of my jeans unless the fly is open. No baseball caps (they're pretty much worn by idiots anyway). I now wear lovely flat caps. I have a wax jacket. Sensible coats. Sensible and pragmatic clobber all round. I like the latest gadgets, I love my iPhone, my iPad, my iMac, my iPod (yes Apple haven me in their grip) and my Apple Watch.
But one thing is very clear.....when I buy stuff now, stuff that fits, stuff that does the job it's supposed to, stuff that enhances my life and stuff In like ..I now more often than not buy 2 or more of them?
A pack of socks made by Jeep that are good for walking and are warm? I'll have 2 packs then. And then I'll double the order. Got a nice quilted jacket that's waterproof and warm, buy one in black and orange and one in khaki and green. Walking boots....one pair is not enough, I need a backup pair. Deal sorted. Summer cargo shorts? Why not have 6 pairs? Trousers that convert to shorts? Yep, think I'll have 5 pairs please. Apple Watch extra bands.....4 please ...different colours. Phone case? Yep, 2 please, different colours. Charlie Tyrhitt shirts? 4 for £100...blimey.....I'll have 12 then. Glasses? I'll have 3 normal pairs, a prescription sunnies pair and a pair of this that change in the sun from clear to dark.
And it goes on. Even down to buying a bag of frozen fruit..get two. Porridge? I'll have 2 packs then. I buy loo roll at 135 packs a time through Groupon. Bin bags are bought in bulk. Dishwasher tablets at 200 a time.
You get the drift. Some might call it stockpiling, but I've spoken to lots of blokes my age who do similar to either greater or lesser degree. I think it's a fear of finally finding something that is worth the money and does what you want, and the rational fear that in future it won't exist...it will be replaced by something close but not the same, and therefore won't be as good.
I have no intention of changing this policy at any time. It's security. A comfort blanket. A cuggy. It's a bloke thing. it's now an entry criteria into the Guild of Grumpy Blokes (also open to women).
Later Mugs, GJ
Tuesday 19 November 2019
Friday 15 November 2019
Litter
Afternoon Mugs,
I have 2 dogs now. After getting the first I very quickly realised what a bunch of horrible fuckers we are when it comes to finding a fucking bin to dump coke scans, baby wipes, red bull cans, cigarette packets, sweet wrappers, tissue paper, cake wrappers, old sock.(yes old socks ffs) and Christ only knows what else. I also discovered some people don't think the responsibility of being a dog owner means picking up your dogs shit after they've had a dump. But walking a dog mens you get top see this because ....well....dogs are greedy fuckers that will eat anything pretty much put in front of them, including some or all of the stuff mentioned above. And I am not at all happy about removing manky old socks from either dogs mouth. Or tissues ..or anything other than a freshly broken stick from a nearby tree.
I mean, how hard is it to just shove the litter in a carrier bag and dump it in one of the numerous bins in the village? I don't want to stereotype but my guess is the majority of the litter is left by teenagers which think it isn't cool to use a bin, or are downright dirty filthy shitbags, or have been too busy fingering or wanking each other in the dark of the corner of the field to remove the leftovers of their pre-fumble feast. At least that's how I remember it......
Dog owners who don't pick up their hounds shit are just lazy parcels of fuckwittery and cuntishness. I'd love to be like Liam Neesson in Taken, so fucking hard that when I saw this happen I could successfully rub the owners faces in the shit and then use their hands to wipe the dogs arse. Having broken their noses first.
Moral? Don't be a lazy, good for nothing littering, dog shit abandoning moron. Because I'm losing my shit over this......
Later Mugs , GJ
I have 2 dogs now. After getting the first I very quickly realised what a bunch of horrible fuckers we are when it comes to finding a fucking bin to dump coke scans, baby wipes, red bull cans, cigarette packets, sweet wrappers, tissue paper, cake wrappers, old sock.(yes old socks ffs) and Christ only knows what else. I also discovered some people don't think the responsibility of being a dog owner means picking up your dogs shit after they've had a dump. But walking a dog mens you get top see this because ....well....dogs are greedy fuckers that will eat anything pretty much put in front of them, including some or all of the stuff mentioned above. And I am not at all happy about removing manky old socks from either dogs mouth. Or tissues ..or anything other than a freshly broken stick from a nearby tree.
I mean, how hard is it to just shove the litter in a carrier bag and dump it in one of the numerous bins in the village? I don't want to stereotype but my guess is the majority of the litter is left by teenagers which think it isn't cool to use a bin, or are downright dirty filthy shitbags, or have been too busy fingering or wanking each other in the dark of the corner of the field to remove the leftovers of their pre-fumble feast. At least that's how I remember it......
Dog owners who don't pick up their hounds shit are just lazy parcels of fuckwittery and cuntishness. I'd love to be like Liam Neesson in Taken, so fucking hard that when I saw this happen I could successfully rub the owners faces in the shit and then use their hands to wipe the dogs arse. Having broken their noses first.
Moral? Don't be a lazy, good for nothing littering, dog shit abandoning moron. Because I'm losing my shit over this......
Later Mugs , GJ
Thursday 14 November 2019
Grumpy grumpy grumpy
Morning Mugs
I've tried. Fuck knows I've tried. I've tried to tone down my grumpiness, but .....fuck it....all I'm doing is masking the natural gravitational call of grumpiness that grows in impact with each passing year. Right now I'm dealing with a situation at work where customers want to order a service from us that requires us to stump up cash for 3rd party services in order to deliver for the customer, only to be told all the money for 2019/2020 is spent. FOR FUCKS SAKE.....how does anybody sanction this as a method for running a business. This is the equivalent of you engaging a builder to design and deliver a new extension.....and the builder says that due to his financial processes whilst you can place the order, he can't buy any materials, do the design, plan any time or resource until the next financial year when a new Capital budget is in place.
Dear Customer, we value your loyal business but please fuck off with any dreams of getting your work started before April due to my own fuckwit internal processes.
Yeah, it's that fucking stupid. Would I run my own business like this? Only if I wanted to have the worst reputation for delivery in that field and a desire for bankruptcy.
Why have I tried to tone down the grumpiness? I just thought it would make life easier, more positive, more sparky. Happier. But the truth is it just closes a valve on what was cathartic way of releasing the steam of frustration, confusion and being utterly perplexed by modern life...all whilst looking like someone who's mastered the arse-gravy fucked up bollocks of modern living.
So, Mugs, expect to see twitter links, expect more vitriol, bile and sneering confusion and hopefully on a daily basis. There'll be dog stuff from time to time, they're too naughty to be ignored. But lets hope a for return to the laughable self centred glory days of Grocerjack and the idiots I deal with or watch from a distance.
Later Mugs, GJ
I've tried. Fuck knows I've tried. I've tried to tone down my grumpiness, but .....fuck it....all I'm doing is masking the natural gravitational call of grumpiness that grows in impact with each passing year. Right now I'm dealing with a situation at work where customers want to order a service from us that requires us to stump up cash for 3rd party services in order to deliver for the customer, only to be told all the money for 2019/2020 is spent. FOR FUCKS SAKE.....how does anybody sanction this as a method for running a business. This is the equivalent of you engaging a builder to design and deliver a new extension.....and the builder says that due to his financial processes whilst you can place the order, he can't buy any materials, do the design, plan any time or resource until the next financial year when a new Capital budget is in place.
Dear Customer, we value your loyal business but please fuck off with any dreams of getting your work started before April due to my own fuckwit internal processes.
Yeah, it's that fucking stupid. Would I run my own business like this? Only if I wanted to have the worst reputation for delivery in that field and a desire for bankruptcy.
Why have I tried to tone down the grumpiness? I just thought it would make life easier, more positive, more sparky. Happier. But the truth is it just closes a valve on what was cathartic way of releasing the steam of frustration, confusion and being utterly perplexed by modern life...all whilst looking like someone who's mastered the arse-gravy fucked up bollocks of modern living.
So, Mugs, expect to see twitter links, expect more vitriol, bile and sneering confusion and hopefully on a daily basis. There'll be dog stuff from time to time, they're too naughty to be ignored. But lets hope a for return to the laughable self centred glory days of Grocerjack and the idiots I deal with or watch from a distance.
Later Mugs, GJ
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