Dark grey

It's only a little lighter. A chance lunch with my former right hand man Mr Argumentative has led to a discovery of mutual dissatisfaction and a very preliminary investigation into other options we may wish to pursue.

Also, last night whilst GMD and LittleSis prattled away over a bottle or two of Vin rouge I spent the night surfing the information highway and uncovered this little gem of a site called TV-ARK. If you want to wallow in a visit down memory lane the click the link and have a look around. Fantastic quiz material by the bucketload, and also a chance to invoke memories (of better days?) by the simple act of playing back opening titles to kids programmes and loads of others. Its funny how such a small thing can lift the mood so apparently dispropotionately, but perhaps when you're in a trough you notice extremes a bit more, and are more likely to apportion greater solace to "the small pleasures". I wish I still smoked.

Yes, it's a bit of an anorak site, but all the same it felt like a little gem last night. And very odd that the Thames TV ident bought a lump to the throat. As did the revelation that I remember the Associated Rediffusion branding and ident and the ATV London ones, which were the predecessors to Thames/London Weekend, way before carlton got their grubby hands on the service. In other words pre-1968 (when Associated Rediffusion/ATV London lost the franchise). The kids programmes are also very interesting. I mean the theme tune to Animal Magic is always a reminder of dull Thursday afternoons when it was LITERALLY all that was on, and even at 8 or 9 years old I thought "what a load of shit" (well poo was probably the word). And was The Woodentops theme really that sombre and dull?

Anyway, have a visit, it is definitely worth a look.

If you're as sad as me.

Later, GreyJack

Black

I see a red door and I want to paint it black
No colours any more I want them to turn black

Things are not getting better.

The time to worry is when I print the lyrics to Goodbye Cruel World.

At the moment it's therapy.

Later, WhateverJack

Unfaithful...Moi?

I have been unfaithful.

I have turned my back on someone after 10 years.

To be honest the relationship was always uneasy. I wanted so much more, so much more, but they just couldn't provide what I wanted.

Yes, I feel guilty, but honestly it's not like I haven't been honest with them. It's not like I didn't tell them how I felt about what my needs were. If they'd smartened up their act then none of this would have happened.

So after 10 years with NTL I have finally decided to move to SkyDigital. Truth is cancelling NTL did make me feel guilty. I felt I'd broken a trust. But I need Chelsea TV. I've wanted it since it started a few years ago but NTL just wouldn't negotiate with them. Apparently the deal was almost done and then Roman Abramovich took over and NTL saw an opportunity to make a bit more cash. Chelsea TV told them to fuck off (perhaps not exactly like that, but in a more diplomatic way). I also want Sky+ as well, and despite several calls to NTL they couldn't tell me when their PVR offering would be available, or when their Video on Demand service would be in my area. So, NTL were aware of my needs but didn't seem keen to deliver them. Sky always seemed keen to snap me up, in fact last year I was 30 minutes way from moving to them but the subsequent cancellation call to NTL resulted in them dropping the charges for the two extra receiver boxes we have up stairs, thus saving £30 per month. From the minute NTL did that I always felt I'd compromised. It was like staying with the wife in her flanellete nightie and hairnet when a sexy young subservient rich woman wearing stockings and lingerie is tempting you.

Oh yes, moving to Sky feels like moving to the dark side, like becoming one of the undead. The final decider was when The Company announced a tie up with Sky giving us a free Sky+ box plus HALF PRICE, yes HALF PRICE SkyWorld (the full sports/movies package) for 12 months. I do need the multi-room option as well but even with this it's cheaper than NTL, and I get to "pause live TV" .....yay! Sky also lobbed in a phone offer for £10 line rental and £7.99 per month unlimited calls (mobiles excluded of course). After 12 months, who knows...NTL may have bucked their ideas up and I can go back to their welcoming bosom (sic). So, on the 21st I will be with BT and Skytalk Anytime for the phone. And on 24th a man will come and fit a dish, and loads of lovely boxes. And from that point I will be loading The Dirty Diggers pockets with my cash.

For my soul has therefore been well and truly sold to Satan.

Later Mini-dishJack

Time for Time

Warning - self indulgent whinge ahead.

Now that The Sandman has left to follow The Godfather to Rottweiller Broadband it's all change in my area of The Company. Change is good. Change is necessary. Change makes us all better people.

Yeah, like fuck.

Actually The Godfather has been replaced by BeachBabe, a rather young and pretty blonde, of English nationality but having spent the last 9 years in New Zealand. About 35 at the most. Similarly The Sandman has been replaced by The Shepherd, a rather strange northerner who speaks in staccato diktats in Management bible terms. Maybe he sees himself as The Biblical shepherd. Not spontaneous or warm and certainly not someone to inspire me. It seems my days are numbered. Stuck at my middle management level, delivering more they asked me to , turning problem staff into high flyers, singing the company song etc ...ad infinitum. The Stumbler tries to build my morale and set me "challenges" but he's a bit ineffectual and uninspiring. A kind of Tim Nice But NotDim. Clever, but a bit of a stereotypical boffin. 4 years ago I managed a team of 25 hairy-arsed engineers, a rumbumptious lot, but the team had spirit and camaraderie and virtually every one of those guys felt more like amate than a colleague. I explained my decisions, I bollocked them in private if they fucked up. I did a good job , they liked me, I liked them. I mistakenly believed that I could bask in the reflected glory of a high performing, high delivering, well liked and respected team. I thought that achievement would be recognized and rewarded. I was wrong of course. Led by my own stupid naivety I fooled myself into believing my rejection of captain/crew team dynamics and the "lets all pretend to be mates and be nice" styles in favour of a kind of Glory in the face of adversity team building style would bring its own rewards. But in these new days of" touchy feely soundbite management delivering fuck all mentality" so superbly espoused by New Labour's Nanny Government my policy failed. Results don't matter. Bad is the New Good. Reward for failure. Anonymity for the likes of me.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm lined up for redundancy (as far as I know), more the fact that it's obvious I can only sit at the Big Table when asked to deputise for the Stumbler. A patronizing task because apparently I'm not good enough to do such a role full time, but a tophole substitute when The Stumbler is off. They call it acting as DoA. It means Delegation of Authority. When I was an engineer it meant Dead on Arrival. I know which one suits me best these days.

I remember a Schools programme called Picture Box, introduced by a guy called Alan Rothwell, an episode of which could have been a vision of my life. It was so sad that even as a kid it made me cry. Way before I understood concepts of socialism, hierarchies in the workplace etc the story was of a young lad who is offered an apprenticeship and starts work under the tutelage of the well respected Senior Engineer in a fictional company. The story follows the development of the young lad as he learns the trade and becomes an engineer himself. The Senior Engineer was also a shop steward, a sensible one ensuring basic rights were protected for the employees of the firm. Over time the young lad moves up the chain as the older man is left in his safe position, caring for his fellow workmates, coaching and teaching the new interns. Eventually the story ends with the young lad eventually becoming a Senior Manager and becoming more at odds with his teacher. One day the older man gets called into the office to be told that the firm is "letting him go". His heartbreak, confusion and disbelief were obvious to all. Yes, even back in the 70's they dressed it up to mask the cowardice of those too scared to tell the man to his face he was no longer viable. Why did it affect me so much then and why has that episode stayed with me? Because I couldn't believe that someone could be treated this way for just standing by their beliefs and values. I couldn't belive there wasn't a different way to treat this man. Baby has a similar view of the world. Nastiness does not exist in her world. It does of course but she chooses to blot it out as if by doing that it doesn't really happen.

Today a dear friend of mine has been promoted. Deservedly so. A friend I recruited and help to develop. I gave them their first role as a Team Leader, on pure merit. It was obvious a bright future lay ahead. A friend that I've always considered friend first, colleague second. And still do. But inside it tells me that the Picture Box episode is starting to happen to me. My friend isn't my boss, it's just that they have overtaken me in the career stakes. And they have age on their side. As a 44 year old I have joined the ranks of the "safe bets". The non movers. The people thought too old to adapt. The targets for when the next round of rationalization and efficiency drives arrives. I'm not bitter, just sad. Sad that I allowed this to happen. Sad that I didn't push myself into people faces more. Sad that I didn't feel the need to blow my own trumpet. Sad that I trusted others to have the same values and morals as me. Sad that the inevitability of passing time has crept behind me and spat in my face.

It's time for some Floyd for a few weeks methinks. Music to sulk by. Music to capture the mood and inherent injustice of life. Music to inpsire and stir the soul. Music to eventually turn the glass from half empty to half full. Cathartic music. Perhaps I'll start with Time from the imperious Dark Side of the Moon.

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.

Later, Deadon ArrivalJack

A Weekend Laugh

It's old, youve seen it before but how this still makes me laugh. It's probably not even true, but who cares. Picture yourself as the listener.......

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is
called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are
married
or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he
or
she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person
is
also
asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for
verification. If their partner answers those same three questions
correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City
drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing
you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast
if
you win. What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."

Brian: "Sara."

DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
that if a trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."

DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us
for a couple of weeks..."

DJ: "Uh huh..."

Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this
wife's
work
number and call her up. You listen to this."

[3 minutes of commercials follow.]

DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch
tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now
and
I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the
rules
of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If
your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off
to
the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect
his
manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away
from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Well..."

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?

Sarah: "Up the arse....."

After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
break"

And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!

G'Day, Grocerjack

Done and dusted

Thats it , the exams are finished. And yes, they were fucking unbelievably hard. Vague ambiguous questions, a chioice of doing 5 from...errrr 5 .....for two whole days, three hours of solid handwriting, admin time included within the three hours. It was like a trip back to the 1800's. All that was missing was a quill pen and inkwell. So, normal-ish service resumes today.

Thoughts on events........

George Galloway - Why are the septics so determined to nail this fool? Whilst it is admirable to have committed views and show unswerving loyalty to them, lets not forget this man was a yes man for Saddam. he really isn't worth the effort.

George Best - yes I know he is a football legend. However, he received a new liver on the grounds that he would not drink again. He lasted 6 months before going back out on benders. meanwhile someone, somewehere died for want of a liver. Someone who may have been more likle y to stay off the booze. I don't want him to die, but lest we forget the beatings to his wife, the piss poor role model, the general mysoginism, the homophobic nature of his personality and perhaps he's not quite the "hero" painted by the media. In fact he's more like a normal bloke than most of us would admit. If he lives, then I hope he learns a lesson, stays off the booze and proves that the death of his donor wasn't wasted.

Bedshaped - leaves a comment saying Floyd are touring next year. Does anyone, anywhere know if this is true. Google searches just turn up denials! My credit card awaits the tour dates......

George Bush - at fucking last, it appears that the good ol' US of A residents are finally seeing him for the fool he is. Rising deaths in Iraq and misjudged appointments to the Supreme court, seem to have taken the wind from his sails. Good. lets hope the lessons are learned for the next election, but what's the odds on an Iran invasion before then?

Iran - see where this furore over the Iranian President's comments on Israel is leading? Frightening isn't it? I just think this is bollocks rhetoric that could have come from any Middle Eastern despotic state. Substitute Iran for Syria, Iraq, Egypt etc....what's the difference? The Israeli's are hated, they know that, they live with it. So why does the world feel outraged that a tin pot state like Iran says things like this? Fuck 'em. Ignore 'em. Cut off ALL relations with them, turn them into a pariah like North Korea. Stop all business with them, including any related to oil. Bleed the fuckers dry. Then see how long the President lasts. If he stays, then so what? If he goes then let them do the work to rejoin the world community. Don't waste time, effort and people on another unnecessary war. the biggest weapon is money and that's controlled by the banks and big corporations. They could cut the supply off easily and with little effect on shareholders. Remove that link, drive the country back to the stone age through poverty and see what happens.

It's good to be back.

Later, GrocerJack

Ephemeralism revisited

Ephemeral - definition

1. Lasting for a markedly brief time: “There remain some truths too ephemeral to be captured in the cold pages of a court transcript” (Irving R. Kaufman).
2. Living or lasting only for a day, as certain plants or insects do.

n.

A markedly short-lived thing.

Or in other words, the shelf life of most modern bands/singers/artistes. And what's more its trendy to be an "ephemeralist". Yeah thats right. It's hip, it's funky. In fact looking throughout "blogland" it would appear that to be anything other than an ephemeralist consigns you to the scrapheap of life. It means you've lost the plot and settled into middle aged complacency, happy with what you like, sad in the fact that you have discovered what is good, what is to your taste. The ephemeralist movement is made up of bright young "Nathan Barley" types, or ageing faux-academics desperately trying to hang on to their youth by being "down with the kids". By putting a spring lamb suit over their increasingly largesse mutton interiors. Not me though. At 44 I love my increasingly jowly, spreading mutton interior, masked only by fading cockney cheeky chirpy chappy charm.

I love being the founder of the GoGB and revel in my increasingly unwitting cynicism and curmudgeonliness. My lack of "ephemeralism" as a primary guiding force in my life means I can appreciate great things from the past, things I discovered through trial and error.

I don't feel obliged to sit in a dinner party and rave about Norah Jones (dull, dull, dull) or harp on about the breathtaking talent of Pete Doherty (the single most insulting thing music has endured recently - a talentless, self-absorbed, lowlife piece of shit). I KNOW I don't like Dance or Hip-hop. I know I detest Drum 'n' Bass. I don't want to force myself to listen to bilge just in order to find some merit in it. You see, most of these bands will not last. Their future lies in the path of a moderate hit album, some critical acclaim, a hit album, some critical disdain, loss of record deal, gigging in pubs, capped off with an appearance on the "guess who" section of Never Mind The Buzzcocks. Should an act reach the dizzying heights of critical acclaim and hit albums then in the world of ephemeralism they are dead. I have my ephemeral moments of course, that's the nature pop music. To occasionally dig out some gem from an unknown. It's sad to say that I discovered The Killers because 5-Live or BBC-1 used the intro from Smile Like You Mean It as a trailer for one of their programmes. Whatever, it is unorthodox but it worked for me. I sought it out, listened, liked, downloaded, bought.

But what I'm talking about this the current trend to constantly be listening to and talking up "new music" whilst denigrating talented bands simply because ....well for no other reason than the fact is that through hard work and talent they have become successful and have made a successful career from music. Hence the current trend to dismiss Coldplay......"so much yesterdays thing daaahling don't you know...." The trend and peer pressure that says " Oh......yah, I downloaded the latest album by Fiery Ringpiece and the Anal Fissures" or similar bollocks simply to show just what a cool and deep thinking person you are is just another insidious weapon in the armoury of Faux-snobbery. Another way to try and make an impression of yourself that says to others "Hey , I'm cool...I'm contemporary.....I'm BETTER than you because you don't know who I'm talking about and therefore you are IGNORANT. "

It's fine to say you like an album or song from obscure artists...no problem, but to then summarily dismiss a band or artist simply on the ground that success has tainted them shows a level of arrogance that insults the millions who may enjoy that bands output. In the ephemeralists world Populism is almost the equivalent of getting your tackle out at a lesbian wedding and saying "anyone want to put their gums on these plums?". It's demonstrated usually by sad little fuckwits desperately trying to lift their status in order to give their lonely little lives a lift.

I love the fact that a band can make three or thirty albums and actually maintain or increase the quality each time. Thus I say step forward Coldplay, a band who make fucking good music, with good lyrics and great tunes aligned with excellent musicianship. A band that actually cares about its output, tries to live a good life, tries to enstertain and take its music to the fans (note the number of festivals they did this year). Stand up U2. Welcome Oasis. Come back Pink Floyd. All bow to the Manics (Lifeblood was triumphant in my view...more of the same..the stuff that works). I could go on naming bands or artists that still knock out good stuff. They may not be trendy in Lundun-innit. It may not be innovative, but just how much innovation is left? Antony and the Johnsons? Music for necrophiliacs. Babyshambles.....hmm just Shambles would suffice. James Blunt anyone? James...well something that rhymes with Blunt anyway. How much in music hasn't already been done? If you sell truckloads of stuff, why tear the formula up? Why deliberately seek out obscurity in order to satisfy some unwritten decree of Artisticness that says only obscurity means credibility? Why try to alienate the very people who gave you the success you so obviously craved by being a musician anyway? Oh yeah, of course they didn't care about the fame did they....nah...that's why they went into the most celebrity obsessed, star-struck industry of all.....but that's another rant.

Crush Ephemeralism. Long live talent.

Long live longevity.

Later, GrocerJack