The Reality Bump

Morning Mugs,

I've been blessed in truth with most aspects of my life. Two lovely daughters, two lovely grandchildren, a nice house, decent cars and a mobile home placed on a site 5 minutes from the Med in the South of France....amongst other things. At this time the good far outweighs any bad, which I think is how most people like things. Yes, bad things are needed or how else do you truly appreciate the good things. Those bright eyed bushy tailed optimists who tell you life is great in every way are basically liars. It's not human nature to live in ecstatic bliss. 

After just over 3 weeks in France I'm back. Every year I think that 3 weeks is enough, especially when added to the cruise, the battlefields tour, the week at the mobile on my own and the trip to Budapest, all this year. However, I do think there is a subconscious thing going on. I'm 58 now....if the government allows it and all goes well I could be retiring in a few years. And I wonder if this sits in the mind and makes it harder to come back from holidays and breaks and once more put nose to grindstone? 

I came back to over a thousand emails from work, that's the best part of 2 days catch-up alone just sifting those into order and making sense of the conversations. But despite feeling ready to come after the 3 weeks, the actual dread of it starts building  few days before leaving. It's like an elephant in the room looming large over the last few days of a well earned holiday. This year, the day before the departure drive, I was sat at the bar smiling throughout teeth gritted with envy at those staying there for a few more weeks. just the ambience of the area, the restaurants, the actual true 'laissez-faire' way of life the French (and it seems the Irish) have. I come back to people smiling at the joy of work, most admittedly younger than me and I wonder what lies behind the faux enjoyment of work and life in a divided and nasty shithole like the UK has become. is it just youthful vigour? Is it genuine excitement at being full of ideas (and mostly shit ones at that)?

I prefer to think it as them being untarnished by age, experience and the trials of life. I envy that in some ways, maybe once I was like that? Now I come back to work, and like a midfield journeyman I just put my head down and try to get on with the job. No career ambition left, no super bright ideas, just a rat race with maybe a glimpse of a finish line at the end in a few years. A finish line that once crossed, will let me get up when I want, do another degree, walk the dog when I want, go to the pub when I want.....a time when for the twilight years I might just be free to do what I want. 

Until then, back to life..back to reality!

Later Mugs