Penis Requests a Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do hard physical labour

I work at great depths

I plunge head first into everything I do

I do not get weekends off or public holidays

I work in a damp environment

Sometimes I work in a smelly environment

I don't get paid overtime

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

Sometimes I have to work in a very claustrophobic, drier and tighter place

I often have to work in a place where teeth exist

I work in high temperatures

My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Sometimes I have to work through the whole night

I often have to work at very short notice

Sometimes I have to work after having had a drink

I am constantly fiddled with by my owner

I spend a lot of time coiled up in a hot, tight pair of briefs

I am constantly having the piss taken out of me

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight

You are often not very clean

You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods

You do not always follow the orders of the management team

You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing

You'll retire well before reaching 65

You're unable to work double shifts

You seem very eager to work for other people

You lied about your size on the application form

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

My thanks to CG for this

Later GrocerJack