Evening Mugs

I was asked why I'm addressing you, the reader (singular probably) as 'mugs'. 'Is it offensive?' I asked.... 'No, not really, maybe a bit for some' they responded.

Well, it's because we're all mugs, you , me, and everyone we know and everyone they know. Mugs, the lot of us. We basically live lives where we put up with substandard products, services, jobs, relationships and everything about the way we live is just a little bit....meh.

Sure, some things are good, some things are perfect, but anyone who says their life is perfect in every way has a bolt loose. which means our ability to be mugs, to accept that life can be good but is often shit also means we're sane. 

Later Mugs, GJ

A Letter to a friend

Evening Mugs,

I have been emailing a friend from holiday since August and it's really re-sparked the writing bug. Our emails are like the correspondence letters from days gone by. They are mainly football based, but often veer into analogising football to other philosophical areas such a politics, society and class amongst others. I felt it would be nice to share the odd bit of correspondence from time to time, starting tonight. If I can do this most Fridays then the posts can start to pick up. Anyway, here goes, the first part is in answer to my friends enquiry as to whether the whole EvaGate affair at Chelsea FC was in fact due to an affair of an inappropriate kind! 

Bonsoir Michael

I had heard similar rumours, and not wanting to sound sexist (although it will), to be fair she is a very handsome woman and even I'd be sorely tempted were the chance to arise. I also think fuel is added to this particular potential fire by the fact that she is the only one who left the club, whereas the very much quieter Jon Fearn has simply stayed on in the backroom getting on with his work. But I'm going to say that in my firm opinion this rumour is utter rubbish. In a day and age of social media and paparazzi along with media attention focussed on every move by every player and coach on and off the field of play, added to the 'kiss and tell' nature of people and it's impossible to think  someone wouldn't have leaked substantial information at some point and that the press wouldn't have published this (super-injunctions notwithstanding). Not even North Korea could hold back such scurrilous but fascinating information. We like to think we're above such tittle-tattle but the truth is every human being is nosey to some extent.

What interests me more though is the media witch hunt on Jose. No....let me correct that...the media/FA witch hunt on Jose.  I'm openly biased of course  but I don't think Jose's comments post Southampton were any worse than Arsene Wengers after the game at our place. Many other coaches have impugned the reputation of the referee post match and not received such an outlandish fine and such a substantial suspended punishment. A stadium ban? How on earth did the FA get such ludicrous powers so as to ban an employee from his or her  place of work? At what point did the clubs agree to this? Yes, I could be suspended from my work for insubordination or serious misdemeanor perhaps, but not by the regulator OFCOM. It's a 'reducto ad absurdum' logic I know, but were Jose's words worse than a blatant push as Arsene executed on Jose last season? Were they worse than Nigel Pearson pinning a player to the floor by his throat? 

Today Jose brands the decision to fine him and ban him (suspended) a 'disgrace'......please note that...he brands 'the decision'...not the actual FA. This mere detail is ignored by the media of course who re-write the context to imply or even state that Jose has branded the actual FA  a disgrace. It's weasel words and mealy mouthed twisting by the 4th estate, but when was it ever not so? Has limitation on freedom of speech reached such a precarious point whereby a body which is nothing more than a sporting watchdog could link this to an attack on them? Sadly I think the answer is  'yes', but then that just underpins my view that the FA is the ultimate microcosm of a society still ruled by the hierarchy of class. A society where the lower ranks dare not challenge the word of the upper classes. A place where you're expected to doff your cap to the 'guvnor' even if they've just sacked you, assaulted you or allowed you to live whilst destroying your house and bankrupting you. Maybe it's the ultimate modern day version of  a Dickensian society? We see this of course dressed as entertainment in The Apprentice where candidates are humiliated by a lord of the realm and then are expected to thank him when he unceremoniously sacks them. To a different extent we see similar in the early days of the monstrous fraud show that is the X-factor. A show where where millionaires humiliate and destroy people to get ratings whilst lifting their notoriety and profile, and where vicious hordes of ill educated people tune in to watch this in some sort of nightmare-ish echo of the Victorian freak show. Roll up, roll up, come and see the singer with the ugly/old/impaired face/voice/body!  

But I digress...as is my wont from time to time....I would like to think that the club has allowed, indeed sanctioned Jose's branding of the decision as a disgrace in a forewarning of their intention to protect him and club's name by fighting the FA in a very public, time consuming and expensive way. We all know the FA is skint and in heavy debt from the Wembley Stadium building debacle (magnificent ground but a true example of how not to execute a huge project) and won't have the money, and consequently the stomach for a huge battle with a club owned by a multi-billionaire. I suspect other clubs would watch with great interest as Chelsea list all the precedents set by the FA but which are later conveniently ignored when it comes to dealing with our players, coach and club. My contempt of the FA is such that I would rather our club play at the Milton Keynes Bowl for 3 years than Wembley for a fee which helps the FA reduce their debts. 

It isn't hard to see why people like me who live lives steeped in logic and science, who will debate potentially explosive and emotive topic such as the rights and wrongs of Faith versus Atheism in a reasoned and educated manner, suddenly find themselves believing in conspiracy theories and the inherent corruption that exists in the majority of people who have influence and power over others whatever the field. I despair of the beautiful game and the politics that so corrupts it, and the disdain that it treats the fans. And lest we forget that the fans are the only people who actually have to PAY to go INTO the stadium! I doubt many multi-national corporations, or commercial regulatory bodies would survive long if they treated the entire customer base or the people they represent with such contempt as the FA, UEFA and FIFA treat football fans. But football is different isn't it? The average fan holds a 'brand loyalty' that even Apple would covet. And despite all of this, I'll be there tomorrow, kicking every ball, heading every cross, urging the team on, berating the the officials and sharing the joy and despair of each twist and turn with 40,000 other friends who have joined me. 

As for the results. Well your beloved Arsenal will overcome plucky Watford (media cliche alert!), and Villa are looking very much like last years Villa but with added flair to complement an inability to win. Their fans see nice football rather than the dour tosh served up under Lambert, but like most I suspect some grinding dull 1-0 wins would be preferred. Our confidence is low but Jose has lost 3 home games in both tenures and whilst Sunderland was a freak result 2 years ago, Palace were simply hungrier than us and Southampton were just a damned good team and we put in one of the most pathetic performances I've seen from any Chelsea side ever at Stamford Bridge. The International break saw our biggest liability, Ivanovic come back injured...a godsend and not something I anticipated ever saying. But it also afforded Jose time to think and discuss with the hierarchy what has gone so wrong and I suspect crates of Russian booty are being dusted off ready to make some big January signings at prices way above what the players are worth, but prices that their clubs simply cannot refuse. Having said that, I would think a comfortable 2-0 win would give us the lift towards recapturing last seasons ruthlessness. 

A pleasure, as always, Kind regards, Jack

A last footnote, John Terry was poor versus Southampton and we conceded 3. His previous two games were Manchester City and Everton where we conceded....ahem...3. It's just a personal view, but I do think this may be his swansong season, although it won't be announced until February/March time to ensure the decline isn't temporary and to ensure he isn't picked on sentiment. I love the man, much as I suspect you all loved Tony Adams, but the game appears to be too fast for JT these days and it's passing him by. He never did have much pace, but got by on football intelligence. When you lose the little pace you have I'm afraid that football intelligence is no longer enough, especially in a league with the likes of Mane. Sterling, Walcott and Berahino coming at you. 

Later Mugs, GJ

So much to get annoyed about

Afternoon Mugs,

Blimey what a week of utter cuntery? What with all the election shite being vomited from every potential candidate every minute of every day, relentlessly puking out statistics or promises to back up their claims, in massive volumes of dull grey choking ash like diatribes and soundbites that would put a Chilean volcano to shame, we also have dreadful news from Nepal which really warrants airtime and compassion. On top of this never ending gloom, or electoral power ego trip type news we also have something to brighten the day. An advert on the London Tube system portraying a young woman in a yellow bikini, asking us we are are 'beach body' ready yet. 

Something to brighten the day up I thought. Something to remind me to keep on the exercise and sensible diet ready for some weeks in the sun later this summer. It's yellow as well, the whole ad, her bikini and the background, maybe even her hair. Yellow like the Sun. What's not too like?

Well loads according to 60,000 fuckwits who signed a petition to get it banned, even though the contract is up and TFL are removing it. Yeah, you see apparently it's sexist. Yeah sexist! And misogynistic . Yeah misogynistic! Obviously, I mean its a woman, in a bikini, posted without doubt by a man. On top of that it's promoting an unhealthy body image! Yeah unhealthy! Christ she looks dreadful, with that toned body doesn't she. 

Now I will bow to no-one over any form of body fascism. Some of us are tall, some of us are short. You can be fat, be thin, be bald, be tattooed, dye your hair green, pierce your body and generally fill your boots. I don't give a fuck. I agree anorexics and bulimics have issues and need help but they are extremes...this patently isn't an extreme in any way. What do these complainers do when they see women like this on a beach? Do they blindfold themselves? Do they protest? Do they report it to the police. What about muscled blokes in trunks? Do i complain? Am I offended because I'll never look like that? No, I don't give a toss, that's what i do. If you don't like the ad, then fuck off and complain in your own head but don't waste time and fucking energy getting petitions together. Life's way too short for that sort of trivial bollocks. 

Later Mugs, GJ

Video? Can't I just read all about it?

Evening Mugs

I've made a few minor changes to the side blogs, including the cast, the Liberation Party (undergoing a review being a so much has changed) and the rule of the Guild of Grumpy Blokes (now accepting applications from women). Have a look and you're more than welcome to suggest things for the manifesto, or additional rules of entry. You can't do fuck all about the cast in my life, well unless you get to know me better and that option is for a select few only. 

Time as ever, is a bastard to find but hopefully the creative juices will flow, and there'll be new additions to the cast and other bits as I get back up to speed, and the discipline of writing again. 

I'll also look around at what new capabilities Blogger has these days, although you needn't worry, video blogging is not in my strategic plan. I'd like to think the people who arrive here prefer the old art of reading stuff as opposed to watching it. That's my attitude anyway. I suppose this leads to me a convenient mini-rant about why the media who supply news and information via the internet feel the need to bombard us with video news? 

I don't have time to sit down and watch news clips. Or magazine article clips. The BBC, an organisation I strongly support are fucking obsessed with video news on their website and mobile app. Well, at least offer me the alternative to 'read' about it rather than have to watch it. I can do stuff like read a bit and then return later, I can doze off nicely reading it. I can read it without disturbing others. I don't need to use headphones to read it. Looking at Sky News and all the others, it's much the same. As I say, video and audio is fine to a degree, but at least provide the option to read stuff only as well. Not much too ask, but something people who want to step away from the fast moving onslaught of visuals would welcome. 

My only other moan for now is just the typical bollocks that as the weekend arrives the good weather decides to take a look at the UK and bugger off. I'd be fascinated if there is science to prove this is the case, or whether it's just the perception of me as a dyed in the wool, founding member of the Guild of Grumpy Blokes. Just for once, give me a weekend with no chores, no football, no social events and no visitors but laden with sunshine so i can chill, burn and knock over the odd flagon of ale. 

Later Mugs, GJ

The Mail Online

I hate it. It is a detestable extension of the actual newspaper, edited by the detestable Paul Dacre and owned by the hateful tax dodging Rothermere family. 

So why am I drawn to reading it? Why don't I just ignore it and get on with my life? Most of it is celebrity bullshit 'news', or immigration scare-mongering mixed in with a portion of aircraft near misses, dire weather warnings or anti-BBC bollocks. It's crap. Utter crap. Bullshit bollocks crap. 

I should know better, but yet every day there I am trolling through it.

I have a theory. It's like a moth drawn to the flame. it's the draw of putting your finger near the electricity point. It's the whole desire to be outraged. It's almost as if The Mail Online is a guaranteed spark to light the fire of rage that burns but sometimes doesn't surface. 

It doesn't surface because we're continually bombarded with bad news, news designed to scare us, to worry us and now we're so used to it we subconsciously switch off to it all. By seeking out the rubbish, the bullshit, the spark of rage flickers and explodes. it's what keep us going. The Grumpy's will not accept blindly that everything is bad. We will acknowledge the bad and then seek out the rubbish in order to ridicule it and show it up for stupidity contained within it. 

Oooh, that feels good. Something that keeps the outrage going, something I can constantly spit my bile at. Well done The Mail Online. 

Later Mugs, GJ

The Return of The Moron

An occasional series highlighting why grumpy bastards like me are seeing the world go to hell in a handcart.

So according to this absolute cunt, women who say no to sex actually usually mean yes. 

http://goo.gl/gtdPQ9

Unbelievable fuckwittery of the highest order there. After all the years that people from all walks of life have pushed the 'no means no' message there are still arrogant pricks like this walking around not having had their bollocks removed or chemically dissolved to the size of dried lentils. 

Well done, you've just set back the cause of decent men by 50 years. In all honesty, even if a woman playfully says no, then err on the side of caution and get the fuck out of Dodge. What's the worst that can happen then? She might get upset, she might take umbrage and think there's something wrong with her. But in all honesty this would be such an exception it's hardly worth worrying about. In my own experience, and bear in mind it's been some years since I was in the dating cattle market that N word meant one thing...well several maybe. it meant 'fuck off home', or maybe 'the pubs still open so see if your mates are about' or it meant 'sleep'. It did not mean carry on regardless as she's obviously confused, pissed or just plain wrong. 

Assuming the prick in this story is guilty, lets see a decent sentence banging him up for 15 years , where he can learn the precise meaning of the word 'No' when about to be buggered by the prison stud and his mates. 

Later Mugs, GJ

New name, new life, new attitude. Still a misery

Ok, so now it's ALL about twitter. You'll find my pearls of wisdom and fuckwittery in equal proportion if you follow @GrumpyBlokesUK.

Later Mugs, GJ