Rain Rain Go Away
The forecast for next week has improved, as I thought it would. We are now at the mix of cloud and sunny spells stage, with highs of around 19 degrees, which is very acceptable. In fact last year it rained every day, but only at night. It seems that most of the rain in Spain does hit the centre and northern parts a bit more regularly. I hadn't really noted how close the southern coast was to Africa, but then Geography was never my strong point.
Mind you it is pssing down here today, which means golf is likely to be off later. Myself and The King had hoped for a last practice round before we went, plus I have just got my first choice driver back from having a stiffer shaft fitted and had hoped to try it out. Oh well, looks like I'll have to take both drivers, just to cover all bases. It is pretty shocking service from Ping (the makers of the club). I sent it to them on March 13th, via my local club. I got it back yesterday! 47 days to re-fit a new shaft. The thing is that Ping insist on this and don't allow club pro's to carry out repairs in their name, or on their behalf. Some sort of delusion about providing a Rolls Royce service, and paranoia about counterfeiting. Well Ping , the service this time was closer to that of Lada than RR. If you insist on providing repairs/upgrades at your UK HQ, then your turn around has to be much faster than this. I will be writing to a Golf magazine to highlight this. Great Clubs - shite service!
A few points.
Chicken Gooner - so sorry for your bad news. I'm always around if required.
Read Croxy's latest but one posting, from the link on this page. The story of the 57 year old man held at immigration in the US for an unpaid bill in a DIFFERENT country is outrageous. The US is now out of control, and we should boycott visiting the place. I know I'm going in the summer, but it has cost a lot and is a ONE-OFF. To treat the citizens of its alleged closest ally in this way is a disgrace, and the new £75 visa (per person per year) proposal will severely dent peoples desires to visit them. All in all their tourist industry will suffer badly from Europeans going elsewhere as a whole - good, they deserve it.
As for the soldiers who took photos of naked Iraqi prisoners, simulating blow jobs etc. Thanks - thanks for destroying the moral high ground, which was at least a redeeming feature of the continuing presence. I know the yanks don't understand this word - but they are Wankers. Somehow, I don't imagine British soldiers doing the same. Or perhasp they just aren't stupid enough to get caught.
Finally, what will all of the thousands of Michael Jackson fans showing their support for him do, if he is found guilty? Will they hear the cheerful noise of the Humble Pie lorry as it pulls up outside their houses ready to deliver them a big slice! Or will they try and justify it by his apparent traumatic childhood. I watch with interest.....
Oh, and the driver of the car that hit the pub last week? He was drunk. 'Nuff said.
Later, Grocerjack
Friday, 30 April 2004
Thursday, 29 April 2004
Thank God for Virgin Radio………..
…..and 5 Live! Without these 2 marvellous stations to listen to at work, I would have probably jumped from the window by now. Alright, this job is less stressful, but fuck me I’m bored. I’m definitely not the sort of bloke who can work away in a back office. I miss my old team. They were a bit maverick, slightly whiny in the team meetings, but it was a bit like Auf Wiedersehen Pet. When the chips were down, the team would always pull together, put ego’s aside and come up with a solution.
Anyway, in their different ways the stations have kept me from sliding into a deeper depression. Virgin deserve to be applauded for hitting my musical buttons around 90% of the time, and 5 Live for keeping the conversation levels and subjects to a level that challenges me. I would drop everything tomorrow to work for either one!
We had a quote for some new fencing in the garden earlier this week. The bloke who quoted us is also the bloke who does our garden monthly (yes, I am lazy, but gardens are for sitting in, drinking, eating and enjoying, not for continually tending to!).
Anyway in Corporate terms I think the bloke is trying to move away from his “core” business and diversify into the “external household leisure facility: boundary control” market. He quoted for 2 panels (6’ x 4’), and 3 Trellis panels and posts (6’ x 6’). The price….£425! If it wasn’t true I would have dropped to the floor laughing. This is the imaginary conversation I so wanted to have.
Scene 1 : Jack’s “external household leisure facility” aka “The Garden”
GardenAgent: Ok Jack, the quote is for 2 high quality, pre-treated, warp free, non-transparent, organic wood, external household leisure facility system boundary panels, plus associated support infrastructure beams. Also included in the price are 3 sections of the latest high tech, leading edge technology, partially transparent, free airflow, wind resistant, ultra lightweight, organic wood, external household leisure facility dividing system panels and associated support infrastructure beams. £425 in total, including procurement, delivery, configuration, pre-implementation testing, change control, implementation, post implementation testing. An annual support contract is available at a small extra cost.
Jack: How much? Are you pulling my pisser? What’s in the leather case?
GardenAgent: This, Jack is an example of the quality of both products. Would you like to see them?
Jack: You have a section of fence panel and trellis in a case?
GardenAgent: fence?…trellis?......sorry…you mean external household leisure facility boundary system panel or external household leisure facility dividing system panel?
Jack: I mean a fucking fence panel or a trellis. What the fuck are you talking about
GardenAgent: Aaah well in light of moving with the times, we have moved on now Jack. What we deliver now is far more than a fence panel. We deliver external household leisure facility systems and processes……..
Jack: So, no more gardening….
GardenAgent: well, to deliver stakeholder value we need to focus on customer and product value
Jack: In what fucking way?
GardenAgent: Well…errr….using the latest technology, leveraging growth by efficient cost management initiatives, using synergistic partnerships with suppliers and developing smoother delivery programmes for seamless transition into the customer premises
Jack: Do these systems have a remote control facility that’s java enabled for remote access from the internet to allow for changes to the settings?
GardenAgent: errrrr…no….what settings…….what’s java……..
Jack: Does it automatically adjust itself for unfeasibly fat pigeons sitting on it, squirrels leaping around on it or foxes trying to barge their way into next doors garden?
GardenAgent: errr…. no
Jack: Does it automatically strengthen itself for extra strong winds, irrespective of the direction, or does it automatically self paint itself each year? Can it make allowances for young nephews kicking footballs at it? Or nieces deciding that it looks like a very nice climbing frame, or because they are trying to catch the squirrel?
GardenAgent: err…… no
Jack: Right, then fucking concentrate on your “core” business and get on with doing the garden…….
GardenAgent: Ok, be like that. Any chance of a cuppa?
I am aware that during this imaginary conversation I turned into Gordon Ramsey! Did you see that the other night - my kind of no nonsense bloke!
I got a quote last night from the local fencing guy. He will only address me as Mr. Jack, which is quite quaint. The cost, for exactly the same work……..£145.
And DC calls me gullible!
Later, Grocerjack
…..and 5 Live! Without these 2 marvellous stations to listen to at work, I would have probably jumped from the window by now. Alright, this job is less stressful, but fuck me I’m bored. I’m definitely not the sort of bloke who can work away in a back office. I miss my old team. They were a bit maverick, slightly whiny in the team meetings, but it was a bit like Auf Wiedersehen Pet. When the chips were down, the team would always pull together, put ego’s aside and come up with a solution.
Anyway, in their different ways the stations have kept me from sliding into a deeper depression. Virgin deserve to be applauded for hitting my musical buttons around 90% of the time, and 5 Live for keeping the conversation levels and subjects to a level that challenges me. I would drop everything tomorrow to work for either one!
We had a quote for some new fencing in the garden earlier this week. The bloke who quoted us is also the bloke who does our garden monthly (yes, I am lazy, but gardens are for sitting in, drinking, eating and enjoying, not for continually tending to!).
Anyway in Corporate terms I think the bloke is trying to move away from his “core” business and diversify into the “external household leisure facility: boundary control” market. He quoted for 2 panels (6’ x 4’), and 3 Trellis panels and posts (6’ x 6’). The price….£425! If it wasn’t true I would have dropped to the floor laughing. This is the imaginary conversation I so wanted to have.
Scene 1 : Jack’s “external household leisure facility” aka “The Garden”
GardenAgent: Ok Jack, the quote is for 2 high quality, pre-treated, warp free, non-transparent, organic wood, external household leisure facility system boundary panels, plus associated support infrastructure beams. Also included in the price are 3 sections of the latest high tech, leading edge technology, partially transparent, free airflow, wind resistant, ultra lightweight, organic wood, external household leisure facility dividing system panels and associated support infrastructure beams. £425 in total, including procurement, delivery, configuration, pre-implementation testing, change control, implementation, post implementation testing. An annual support contract is available at a small extra cost.
Jack: How much? Are you pulling my pisser? What’s in the leather case?
GardenAgent: This, Jack is an example of the quality of both products. Would you like to see them?
Jack: You have a section of fence panel and trellis in a case?
GardenAgent: fence?…trellis?......sorry…you mean external household leisure facility boundary system panel or external household leisure facility dividing system panel?
Jack: I mean a fucking fence panel or a trellis. What the fuck are you talking about
GardenAgent: Aaah well in light of moving with the times, we have moved on now Jack. What we deliver now is far more than a fence panel. We deliver external household leisure facility systems and processes……..
Jack: So, no more gardening….
GardenAgent: well, to deliver stakeholder value we need to focus on customer and product value
Jack: In what fucking way?
GardenAgent: Well…errr….using the latest technology, leveraging growth by efficient cost management initiatives, using synergistic partnerships with suppliers and developing smoother delivery programmes for seamless transition into the customer premises
Jack: Do these systems have a remote control facility that’s java enabled for remote access from the internet to allow for changes to the settings?
GardenAgent: errrrr…no….what settings…….what’s java……..
Jack: Does it automatically adjust itself for unfeasibly fat pigeons sitting on it, squirrels leaping around on it or foxes trying to barge their way into next doors garden?
GardenAgent: errr…. no
Jack: Does it automatically strengthen itself for extra strong winds, irrespective of the direction, or does it automatically self paint itself each year? Can it make allowances for young nephews kicking footballs at it? Or nieces deciding that it looks like a very nice climbing frame, or because they are trying to catch the squirrel?
GardenAgent: err…… no
Jack: Right, then fucking concentrate on your “core” business and get on with doing the garden…….
GardenAgent: Ok, be like that. Any chance of a cuppa?
I am aware that during this imaginary conversation I turned into Gordon Ramsey! Did you see that the other night - my kind of no nonsense bloke!
I got a quote last night from the local fencing guy. He will only address me as Mr. Jack, which is quite quaint. The cost, for exactly the same work……..£145.
And DC calls me gullible!
Later, Grocerjack
Wednesday, 28 April 2004
Jacks Desert Island Lists……..
I know that strictly speaking I should only select one of each, but I’m going to choose ten to lessen the restriction. Here goes….
Albums:
Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd – a masterpiece of understated rock
Remasters – Led Zeppelin – effectively a “best of” album
Is there anybody out there? – Pink Floyd (The Wall done live)
Rattle and Hum - U2 (the gospel version of “I still haven’t found...” is possibly the most uplifting song ever)
This is my Truth, Now tell me yours – The Manic Street Preachers – superb in every detail
Diamond Dogs – David Bowie – futuristic nightmare vision of society – 1984 in song
Never Mind The Bollocks – The Sex Pistols – sums up the era of punk perfectly
The Story of The Clash Volume 1 – The Clash – intelligent music with interesting street and black influences
Abba Gold – Abba - how can this not lift your mood?
OK Computer – Radiohead – Depressing but brilliant
Films:
Pulp Fiction – the best film ever - never ever get tired of watching this
The Godfather Pts 1 & 2 – timeless gangster/family story, chillingly violent
The Truman Show – a very clever story – how far are we from actually doing this?
Full Metal Jacket – the best war film ever, eat your heart out Platoon
The Bounty – a little poetic licence but a fascinating subject and well acted by Mel Gibson and Anthony Hopkins
Notting Hill – for sheer feel good factor
Muriel’s Wedding – great Aussie film. There is barely a character in this film with a single redeeming feature
Schindlers List – should be part of the National Curriculum
The Fisher King – another eventual feel good movie, weird in parts
The Shawshank Redemption – an understated masterpiece
Books:
Inconceivable: Ben Elton – brilliantly written from male and female perspective
Popcorn: Ben Elton – satire of the Oliver Stone/Tarantino films
Dead Famous – Ben Elton – superb satire on and damning indictment of “reality” TV
High Society: Ben Elton – damning indictment of the war on drugs
High Fidelity – Nick Hornby – the life I could have had
Fever Pitch – Nick Hornby – astute observation of life and football
The Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy books – Douglas Adams - a trilogy in 5 parts, a classic
The Dirk Gently Omnibus - Douglas Adams – more from the great man
Wilt – Tom Sharpe – even the film was funny
The Jonah – James Herbert
TV Programmes:
Holding On – 90’s edgy contemporary London based drama – critically acclaimed
Our Friends in the North – as above but based in the North of our country
Conspiracy – the meeting that decided the fate of the Jews in WWII - chilling to the bone
The Day Today – ground breaking comedy – one series only
Blackadder – all superb, a 20th century man in different periods of our history
GBH – Alan Bleasdale – the best of the contemporary playwrights and this showed what a classy actor Robert Lindsay is.
Phoenix Nights – superb piss take on Northern night clubs - unfortunate to be eclipsed by…
The Office – This is brilliantly observed as well
Fawlty Towers – timeless classic
Friends – always watchable, always funny, no slapstick, characters you feel you know, warm
Food:
Chips – they’re NOT fries
Chicken Jalfrezi
Korai Chicken
Brie
French Bread
Smarties
Wine Gums
Bacon rolls
Italian pizza
Haagen Dasz Rum and Raisin Ice cream
Drink:
Guinness
Red Wine
Glen Moray 16 year old single malt
Earl Grey tea
Tizer
Pepsi Max
Gin and Tonic
Marsdens Pedigree
Espresso
Capuccino
Later, Grocerjack
I know that strictly speaking I should only select one of each, but I’m going to choose ten to lessen the restriction. Here goes….
Albums:
Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd – a masterpiece of understated rock
Remasters – Led Zeppelin – effectively a “best of” album
Is there anybody out there? – Pink Floyd (The Wall done live)
Rattle and Hum - U2 (the gospel version of “I still haven’t found...” is possibly the most uplifting song ever)
This is my Truth, Now tell me yours – The Manic Street Preachers – superb in every detail
Diamond Dogs – David Bowie – futuristic nightmare vision of society – 1984 in song
Never Mind The Bollocks – The Sex Pistols – sums up the era of punk perfectly
The Story of The Clash Volume 1 – The Clash – intelligent music with interesting street and black influences
Abba Gold – Abba - how can this not lift your mood?
OK Computer – Radiohead – Depressing but brilliant
Films:
Pulp Fiction – the best film ever - never ever get tired of watching this
The Godfather Pts 1 & 2 – timeless gangster/family story, chillingly violent
The Truman Show – a very clever story – how far are we from actually doing this?
Full Metal Jacket – the best war film ever, eat your heart out Platoon
The Bounty – a little poetic licence but a fascinating subject and well acted by Mel Gibson and Anthony Hopkins
Notting Hill – for sheer feel good factor
Muriel’s Wedding – great Aussie film. There is barely a character in this film with a single redeeming feature
Schindlers List – should be part of the National Curriculum
The Fisher King – another eventual feel good movie, weird in parts
The Shawshank Redemption – an understated masterpiece
Books:
Inconceivable: Ben Elton – brilliantly written from male and female perspective
Popcorn: Ben Elton – satire of the Oliver Stone/Tarantino films
Dead Famous – Ben Elton – superb satire on and damning indictment of “reality” TV
High Society: Ben Elton – damning indictment of the war on drugs
High Fidelity – Nick Hornby – the life I could have had
Fever Pitch – Nick Hornby – astute observation of life and football
The Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy books – Douglas Adams - a trilogy in 5 parts, a classic
The Dirk Gently Omnibus - Douglas Adams – more from the great man
Wilt – Tom Sharpe – even the film was funny
The Jonah – James Herbert
TV Programmes:
Holding On – 90’s edgy contemporary London based drama – critically acclaimed
Our Friends in the North – as above but based in the North of our country
Conspiracy – the meeting that decided the fate of the Jews in WWII - chilling to the bone
The Day Today – ground breaking comedy – one series only
Blackadder – all superb, a 20th century man in different periods of our history
GBH – Alan Bleasdale – the best of the contemporary playwrights and this showed what a classy actor Robert Lindsay is.
Phoenix Nights – superb piss take on Northern night clubs - unfortunate to be eclipsed by…
The Office – This is brilliantly observed as well
Fawlty Towers – timeless classic
Friends – always watchable, always funny, no slapstick, characters you feel you know, warm
Food:
Chips – they’re NOT fries
Chicken Jalfrezi
Korai Chicken
Brie
French Bread
Smarties
Wine Gums
Bacon rolls
Italian pizza
Haagen Dasz Rum and Raisin Ice cream
Drink:
Guinness
Red Wine
Glen Moray 16 year old single malt
Earl Grey tea
Tizer
Pepsi Max
Gin and Tonic
Marsdens Pedigree
Espresso
Capuccino
Later, Grocerjack
I don't believe them......
According to all the Weather sites, Southern Spain only gets about 5 days rain in May, so unless they're concentrated in 1 week, I think the forecast is as flaky as one of Jeffrey Archers promises. Besides, it's changed from last night to Rain on Sunday, cloud on Monday, Sunny Spells (a real cop out caveat that one) on Tuesday and for the rest of the week. Did I appear to be sulking? Well, in my defence here are rule numbers 28&29 from the constitution of the GoGB
28.) You will happily cut your nose off to spite your face.
29.) You believe sulking is an attractive trait, and an effective method of
getting your own way.
So, in my view this merely reaffirms my own membership within the GoGB. And it feels good to belong.
I played Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd) this morning on the way in. I think this just pips The Wall as my favourite album of all time, and would definitely be on my Desert Island. It lifted the general air of gloom quite a bit, although not totally. The lyrics to the actual track Wish You Were Here have always been a bit of a mystery to me but today they actually became crystal clear to me. As if they summed up my life at the moment perfectly.
So
So you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue sky’s from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
I think there must be something bothering me subconsciously, but as yet I can't fathom out what it is. Something definitely isn't right though. I'll let you know when i find out what it is, but my suspicions are pointing to dissatisfaction and sheer boredom at work. The Sandman hasn't confirmed the additional functions to my role, and despite my cynicism (in general) I think this was something I would have enjoyed greatly. Similar to the proverbial drowning man grasping at the straw perhaps? Perhaps it's just a general 40-something malaise? You know, the "is this all there is" syndrome.
We have a tapping noise in the bedroom. It's almost as regular as a clock ticking. I spent an hour last night trying to find the source - no luck. Weirdly, like all these noises you think you can determine the direction and the source, but when you look into it the noise seems to emanate from different areas. It’s as if it knows you're trying to find it. Well, I will find the bastard because it is driving me mad. What will happen is it will eventually become a benchmark noise, that is strangely comforting, and eventually like a drug, something that needs to be there for me to drift off. I used to hate the dawn chorus waking me up (I am a light sleeper), but now I love it, especially during the spring/summer months. Why? Because I know I'm still alive. It welcomes the day to me, and for fucks sake, the little bastards sound so damn cheerful, it's hard not be infected by this. On my Desert Island the sound of the sea lapping the shore would send me off, the sound of the birds would wake me up. I will make the Desert Island List on another post.
A strange thing happened on Monday night. At 01:30 in the morning teenager burst into the bedroom. Unfortunately we were both asleep. Fortunately we were both asleep (work it out!). DC can sleep through anything, whereas if a mouse farts in the field behind our house I am awake. DC stirred briefly, I jumped out of my skin. But when I looked at the door she wasn't there. I got up and went to her room. Baby was fast asleep (she has her own room but doesn't like being alone). But teenager was sitting there with the TV on with Friends on DVD, but paused. Bizarre!
Scene 1: Teenagers Room
Jack (angry) : What are you doing?
Teenager: What
Jack (angrier): Errr. what do you think you're doing
Teenager: (no answer just blank stare)
Jack (fucking furious): TEENAGER (raised voice) WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT?
Teenager: Shutup!
Jack (penny starting to drop) : (moves round the bed) WHAT...... (notices that teenager hasn't moved her head or eyes)
Jack(momentarily freaked out) : ...shall I turn the TV off sweetie...
Teenager: I don't know.......(coils up, shuts eyes and falls back to sleep)
Jack (relieved): Night
Teenager: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Scene 2: Jack's bedroom
DC: What was that all about
Jack: She's got your trait .......she's a sleepwalker
DC: Oh well..never mind
Jack (thinks): ....yeah great another sleepwalker to deal with
Jack (says): Maybe she's worried about something
DC: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Jack (thinks) : Thats my sleep over
2 hours later I drifted off for a massive two and a half hours sleep before getting up for work.
You see DC is a "walker". Now it appears that teenager has also inherited that trait. At various times I have stopped DC from going shopping at 3 in the morning...naked (well why would she need clothes when she's asleep), from climbing into the top of the wardrobe (yep, the top) on the assumption she was sorting the kitchen cupboards out and most bizarrely from taking a foot stool into the toilet to get on the toilet, and then to talk to about work that day! As if it was someone she had worked with! In a way, I think it's good I'm a light sleeper because one day I'm convinced she'll try tightrope walking along the roof, or dive out the window in the belief she's an Olympic Gymnast! Whatever, I will keep tabs on them both, but believe me in the early hours of the morning it is a very spooky experience.
I asked Teenager about it yesterday morning and obviously she had no recollection. Weirdly, she thought it was very funny and seemed to view it as an honour that she was like her mum. She was VERY cheerful about this. I just stood there with black rings round my eyes, knackered, irritable, yawning and thinking "Why Me"!
Later, Grocerjack
According to all the Weather sites, Southern Spain only gets about 5 days rain in May, so unless they're concentrated in 1 week, I think the forecast is as flaky as one of Jeffrey Archers promises. Besides, it's changed from last night to Rain on Sunday, cloud on Monday, Sunny Spells (a real cop out caveat that one) on Tuesday and for the rest of the week. Did I appear to be sulking? Well, in my defence here are rule numbers 28&29 from the constitution of the GoGB
28.) You will happily cut your nose off to spite your face.
29.) You believe sulking is an attractive trait, and an effective method of
getting your own way.
So, in my view this merely reaffirms my own membership within the GoGB. And it feels good to belong.
I played Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd) this morning on the way in. I think this just pips The Wall as my favourite album of all time, and would definitely be on my Desert Island. It lifted the general air of gloom quite a bit, although not totally. The lyrics to the actual track Wish You Were Here have always been a bit of a mystery to me but today they actually became crystal clear to me. As if they summed up my life at the moment perfectly.
So
So you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue sky’s from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
I think there must be something bothering me subconsciously, but as yet I can't fathom out what it is. Something definitely isn't right though. I'll let you know when i find out what it is, but my suspicions are pointing to dissatisfaction and sheer boredom at work. The Sandman hasn't confirmed the additional functions to my role, and despite my cynicism (in general) I think this was something I would have enjoyed greatly. Similar to the proverbial drowning man grasping at the straw perhaps? Perhaps it's just a general 40-something malaise? You know, the "is this all there is" syndrome.
We have a tapping noise in the bedroom. It's almost as regular as a clock ticking. I spent an hour last night trying to find the source - no luck. Weirdly, like all these noises you think you can determine the direction and the source, but when you look into it the noise seems to emanate from different areas. It’s as if it knows you're trying to find it. Well, I will find the bastard because it is driving me mad. What will happen is it will eventually become a benchmark noise, that is strangely comforting, and eventually like a drug, something that needs to be there for me to drift off. I used to hate the dawn chorus waking me up (I am a light sleeper), but now I love it, especially during the spring/summer months. Why? Because I know I'm still alive. It welcomes the day to me, and for fucks sake, the little bastards sound so damn cheerful, it's hard not be infected by this. On my Desert Island the sound of the sea lapping the shore would send me off, the sound of the birds would wake me up. I will make the Desert Island List on another post.
A strange thing happened on Monday night. At 01:30 in the morning teenager burst into the bedroom. Unfortunately we were both asleep. Fortunately we were both asleep (work it out!). DC can sleep through anything, whereas if a mouse farts in the field behind our house I am awake. DC stirred briefly, I jumped out of my skin. But when I looked at the door she wasn't there. I got up and went to her room. Baby was fast asleep (she has her own room but doesn't like being alone). But teenager was sitting there with the TV on with Friends on DVD, but paused. Bizarre!
Scene 1: Teenagers Room
Jack (angry) : What are you doing?
Teenager: What
Jack (angrier): Errr. what do you think you're doing
Teenager: (no answer just blank stare)
Jack (fucking furious): TEENAGER (raised voice) WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT?
Teenager: Shutup!
Jack (penny starting to drop) : (moves round the bed) WHAT...... (notices that teenager hasn't moved her head or eyes)
Jack(momentarily freaked out) : ...shall I turn the TV off sweetie...
Teenager: I don't know.......(coils up, shuts eyes and falls back to sleep)
Jack (relieved): Night
Teenager: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Scene 2: Jack's bedroom
DC: What was that all about
Jack: She's got your trait .......she's a sleepwalker
DC: Oh well..never mind
Jack (thinks): ....yeah great another sleepwalker to deal with
Jack (says): Maybe she's worried about something
DC: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Jack (thinks) : Thats my sleep over
2 hours later I drifted off for a massive two and a half hours sleep before getting up for work.
You see DC is a "walker". Now it appears that teenager has also inherited that trait. At various times I have stopped DC from going shopping at 3 in the morning...naked (well why would she need clothes when she's asleep), from climbing into the top of the wardrobe (yep, the top) on the assumption she was sorting the kitchen cupboards out and most bizarrely from taking a foot stool into the toilet to get on the toilet, and then to talk to about work that day! As if it was someone she had worked with! In a way, I think it's good I'm a light sleeper because one day I'm convinced she'll try tightrope walking along the roof, or dive out the window in the belief she's an Olympic Gymnast! Whatever, I will keep tabs on them both, but believe me in the early hours of the morning it is a very spooky experience.
I asked Teenager about it yesterday morning and obviously she had no recollection. Weirdly, she thought it was very funny and seemed to view it as an honour that she was like her mum. She was VERY cheerful about this. I just stood there with black rings round my eyes, knackered, irritable, yawning and thinking "Why Me"!
Later, Grocerjack
Tuesday, 27 April 2004
No point.....
I didn't really pay £600 to go to Spain to get pissed on by more wind and rain. I can do that far cheaper here. I am seriously re-considering whether to go or not. I can write the money off easily enough. But quite frankly if it's going to rain all week then the object has been defeated.
Dunno when I'll write any more because at the moment I'm not in the mood.
Fucked right off, Grocerjack
I didn't really pay £600 to go to Spain to get pissed on by more wind and rain. I can do that far cheaper here. I am seriously re-considering whether to go or not. I can write the money off easily enough. But quite frankly if it's going to rain all week then the object has been defeated.
Dunno when I'll write any more because at the moment I'm not in the mood.
Fucked right off, Grocerjack
Monday, 26 April 2004
It's a conspiracy....
On the long range weather forecast for Malaga, it is sunny this week, with rain setting in Sunday - the very day I arrive for my golf week. How fucking unfair is that? If it ends up like my recent trip to Devon then I'm giving up the game. We chose Spain, so that we would have a better than average chance of good weather, but now it looks like it might be better off staying here. I might be jumping the gun here, but it has really pissed me off to see that. All I can hope for is the slim chance that the long range (i.e 10 day) forecast is purely a stab in the dark on the meteorologists part. The company that we booked through have confirmed that we have a room for the last day plus the free round of golf we asked for in compensation for the bollocks flights we ended up with. I suppose that is a small bonus. I just want some more of the weather we had this weekend.
I drove past the pub yesterday, and as is becoming the tradition here, a shrine is being developed for the victims of the crash in the form of dozens of bouquets of flowers. I was right, the dead teenagers were in the back seat of the car. It appears the front seat passenger and driver received only minor injuries. The police have launched an investigation which means that they must believe it was more than an accident. The pub has received structural damage in that the Restaurant wall is severely cracked and I gather this part of the pub might have to remain closed. Again, this appears to back up the view that they were travelling at a very high speed. The pub is on a minor road and this part of it is actually on a sharp-ish bend. The rumour is that the driver will be charged with some ofence which only seems right. Cars don't leave the road early in the morning unless something has gone horribly wrong with the mechanics or if something is horribly wrong with the driver. I might be pre-empting things here, but my suspicion, as with most people in the village is with the driver.
Oh, and on a much happier note today is Baby's birthday. She is 9, so I don't think I'll be able to use the "Baby" tag much more. But to see her bright smiling face when she woke up has brightened up this Monday, irrespective of Spanish weather forecasts. Halfway through the most expensive time of the year and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow is mine and DC's wedding anniversary - 8 years...where the fuck did they go, and can I have them back please? Only Teenagers birthday to go and the credit cards can rest until the BIG holiday to Florida in August. Barely time for them to recover really......
Later , Grocerjack.
On the long range weather forecast for Malaga, it is sunny this week, with rain setting in Sunday - the very day I arrive for my golf week. How fucking unfair is that? If it ends up like my recent trip to Devon then I'm giving up the game. We chose Spain, so that we would have a better than average chance of good weather, but now it looks like it might be better off staying here. I might be jumping the gun here, but it has really pissed me off to see that. All I can hope for is the slim chance that the long range (i.e 10 day) forecast is purely a stab in the dark on the meteorologists part. The company that we booked through have confirmed that we have a room for the last day plus the free round of golf we asked for in compensation for the bollocks flights we ended up with. I suppose that is a small bonus. I just want some more of the weather we had this weekend.
I drove past the pub yesterday, and as is becoming the tradition here, a shrine is being developed for the victims of the crash in the form of dozens of bouquets of flowers. I was right, the dead teenagers were in the back seat of the car. It appears the front seat passenger and driver received only minor injuries. The police have launched an investigation which means that they must believe it was more than an accident. The pub has received structural damage in that the Restaurant wall is severely cracked and I gather this part of the pub might have to remain closed. Again, this appears to back up the view that they were travelling at a very high speed. The pub is on a minor road and this part of it is actually on a sharp-ish bend. The rumour is that the driver will be charged with some ofence which only seems right. Cars don't leave the road early in the morning unless something has gone horribly wrong with the mechanics or if something is horribly wrong with the driver. I might be pre-empting things here, but my suspicion, as with most people in the village is with the driver.
Oh, and on a much happier note today is Baby's birthday. She is 9, so I don't think I'll be able to use the "Baby" tag much more. But to see her bright smiling face when she woke up has brightened up this Monday, irrespective of Spanish weather forecasts. Halfway through the most expensive time of the year and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow is mine and DC's wedding anniversary - 8 years...where the fuck did they go, and can I have them back please? Only Teenagers birthday to go and the credit cards can rest until the BIG holiday to Florida in August. Barely time for them to recover really......
Later , Grocerjack.
Sunday, 25 April 2004
So farewell then.....
...Fuckwit, you tried, but at the end of the day (cliche) you weren't up to it. I watched us play today, we played well but lost. The players seem to have lost belief in themselves and only good leadership can bring it back. Fuckwit is a nice guy, polite, always willing to face the media, but tactically he does not have the right brain. Today, in my view , has sealed his fate.
Last night was Dad's Night Out. It was a stunning success, made better by the fact that we did not break off for food. So the conversation flowed, the piss taking was cruel, wicked and very funny. SmallSykes did well to take a lot of stick, he deserves a medal for last night. BigSykes brought his brother along and I think he enjoyed himself. The Lone Ranger was also on top form last night and Strings as well. A top night out. My head hurts today, but then large quantities of the black stuff were consumed last night, but hey its worth it.
Due to the haadache my creative skills are blunted today, however yesterday we had Teenagers boy "friends" around. She was obnoxious , loud mouthed and rude. DC is not happy, neither am I. I think some attitude adjustment is necessary very shortly. She needs reigning in now before it becomes habit.
Sad news as well. On Friday night a car hit the side of the pub at about 1 in the morning. Allegedly it was doing 100mph. Of the 4 occupants 2 survived, 2 died. The 2 dead people were in the back of the car, so I'm led to believe. The Governor was obviously woken by the nose, and he found the debris. He called the police and ambulance to the scene. One of the dead was a waitress in that very pub, a young girl out celebrating her 18th birthday. I can't imagine how the Governor must have felt finding a member of his staff like that. I'm not sure I can picture the girl, but no doubt she has served me at some time with food. This scares the crap out of me. All I can think of is "what if it was Teenager?". I have been there, driven fast to show off when younger, but it seems to me today that we are fundamentally making it too easy for youngsters to own cars. I have no solution, but to me this is a tragic waste. Again, if there is a God, and I'm lucky enough to be allowed in, then I'm gonna be having some very difficult philosophical conversations with him about why he allows things like this to happen.
Later , Grocerjack
...Fuckwit, you tried, but at the end of the day (cliche) you weren't up to it. I watched us play today, we played well but lost. The players seem to have lost belief in themselves and only good leadership can bring it back. Fuckwit is a nice guy, polite, always willing to face the media, but tactically he does not have the right brain. Today, in my view , has sealed his fate.
Last night was Dad's Night Out. It was a stunning success, made better by the fact that we did not break off for food. So the conversation flowed, the piss taking was cruel, wicked and very funny. SmallSykes did well to take a lot of stick, he deserves a medal for last night. BigSykes brought his brother along and I think he enjoyed himself. The Lone Ranger was also on top form last night and Strings as well. A top night out. My head hurts today, but then large quantities of the black stuff were consumed last night, but hey its worth it.
Due to the haadache my creative skills are blunted today, however yesterday we had Teenagers boy "friends" around. She was obnoxious , loud mouthed and rude. DC is not happy, neither am I. I think some attitude adjustment is necessary very shortly. She needs reigning in now before it becomes habit.
Sad news as well. On Friday night a car hit the side of the pub at about 1 in the morning. Allegedly it was doing 100mph. Of the 4 occupants 2 survived, 2 died. The 2 dead people were in the back of the car, so I'm led to believe. The Governor was obviously woken by the nose, and he found the debris. He called the police and ambulance to the scene. One of the dead was a waitress in that very pub, a young girl out celebrating her 18th birthday. I can't imagine how the Governor must have felt finding a member of his staff like that. I'm not sure I can picture the girl, but no doubt she has served me at some time with food. This scares the crap out of me. All I can think of is "what if it was Teenager?". I have been there, driven fast to show off when younger, but it seems to me today that we are fundamentally making it too easy for youngsters to own cars. I have no solution, but to me this is a tragic waste. Again, if there is a God, and I'm lucky enough to be allowed in, then I'm gonna be having some very difficult philosophical conversations with him about why he allows things like this to happen.
Later , Grocerjack
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