Hail and thunder.......

So, there I am travelling home through the night-time traffic on the A34, listening to whatever was being discussed on the radio. The phone rings and its The Shepherd's secretary asking if I can deputise for The Shepherd at a "Communicating Change Workshop pre-meeting". I had carefully planned a sickie or a "wfh" (work from home) day for today in order to ring The King and get a game of golf in.

Plan ruined as the tone of the call indicated that it wasn't a request as such, but a directive. For this is the way of The Shepherd and it's becoming fairly obviously that his style is autocratic. It's also obvious that he listens to your views, decides his are better and does what he wanted in the first place. So at last I am understanding the traits of this new Nemesis. And of course, "know thine enemy" is a classic maxim used by all engaged in battle in order to get the upper hand and defeat their enemy.

Hmmm......"enemy"...."nemesis"....."battle"........seems like an obsession might be coming my way. Is this really what my working life is becoming? A tirade against hierarchy triggered by insularity and bitter jealousy? Is paranoia fever starting to pervade my thoughts.

The evidence is unclear but then today I attend this meeting with others at The Shepherds level. I dress down because it's ....well...Children in Need day...a pisspoor excuse for trash entertainment and acts of folly in order to apply charity guilt to normal people through the twisted mask of the faux clown. (another subject ....), but also just to fuck these knobhead club tie/firm handshake twats right off. My best "worn" jeans, my trendy reebok trainers and one of my Chelsea Polo's not tucked in.
It definitely got me noticed as they turned up in their Alan Partridge sports casual ranges making unfunny sarcastic comments about "Chelski" supporters (Listen you fucking ignorant cunts....Russian tends to end in ....kov.....so it should be Chelskov if you want to take the piss...). I of course laugh at these airheaded corporate mannequins because I am still infected with Hypocrite-itis. . That is my cross and I'll carry it until "my head explodes with dark forebodings too" and end up on some kind of serial manslaughter charge for decapitating some people who belong in Golgafrincham. Either that or I'll get honoured by a grateful society looking for a solution to ridding society of these useless pieces of semi-human detritus. And guess what? The meeting was actually to discuss a course that all line managers will be going on that helps us deliver bad news or "difficult messages" as they put it, in a positive manner. That's right. I'll be able to devastate peoples lives and make their world cave in, but at the same time sell them the benefits of this and help them through the "transition cycle" of denial through to acceptance at the same time!

I can hardly believe my good fortune (sic). So, here I am, someone who could be the first, albeit reluctant citizen of Golgafrincham, desperately trying to batter his way out, but continually being chased back in by a giant inflatable ball ....just like Number 6.....being trained to deliver a potential knife to someone's heart, through a velvet scabbard and with a smile on my face. Killer and Curer in one easy package.

And for all I know someone is waiting to do the same to me.

Delegated dirty work some might call it.

Being given the shit stick is my view.

(Keanu Reeves pic? I just needed to show a picture of a wanker to illustrate how I feel about The Shepherd)

Later, GrocerJack

Snowstorm....near blizzard strength

Guess which bits of the following I didn't put on my interim performance appraisal form.

A challenging few months with a new manager (the most inspid and uninspiring man in the world) and new skills (in corporate gobbledygook spin) to learn and new role objectives to be assimilated (what am I to you - a fucking Borg?). I believe that thus far I have acquitted myself well in all areas (like anyone gives a shit). Some observations though:

Promotion seems impossible for me now and I can't be sure that my age (being 44 and seemingly ready for the knackers yard as far as most in this organisation think) is not a major factor here. I also feel that none of my past achievements have been recognised and that specifically my stewardship of the Data Network team in a frankly highly pressurised, god forsaken, thankless environment was totally ignored. It seems to me that no-one notices good work unless you're prepared to sell your achievements constantly (like some desperate old whore hoping to find some rich corporate cock sucking ladder climber sugardaddy or to provide her with her next fix of Corporate Heroin). There seems no mechanism or process for recognizing those who prefer to adopt a lower profile on their achievements in the hope that actually someone does care (give a shit) and will notice them (i.e. those of us who actually walk the fucking walk as well as talking the talk and who manage to keep some semblance of a normal life outside of this hellhole) and a massive gap exists in any guidance on how to achieve promotion or further career progression (or even satisfaction). Unfortunately try as I might to forget this and concentrate on the future I can't help thinking that if the past is anything to go by then no matter how well I perform (or what the fuck I do) it won't really make any difference. (So stop patronising me Sonny, stop telling me how to develop myself, how to target my aspirations, how to focus on my objectives and achievements, stop the pretence that there is anything left for me here, stamp the fucking stamp, sign the fucking form and lets save ourself 2 hours and get on with something more worthwhile).

I have given some clues to help you along the way.

Later, GrocerJack

A Brief Sunny Spell

I could go on and on about the fantastic value the BBC gives for the licence fee. I could mention the usual stuff about 33p a day giving 2 terrestrial stations, 2 digital channels, numerous national radio stations, endless local radio stations, an authoratative rolling news TV channel, a bang-on web site etc etc etc all advert free.
I could also mention that in the general rather low mood, self esteem and motivation running through Jack Towers these days I need every little lift that comnes my way and grab at everything like a thirsty man trying ot catch every raindrop that falls, but readers laready know from the headings that the mood is low and the recovery slow.

And then, last night, I watched the second of the BBC's adaptations of Shakespeare's plays. Last week a wonderful version of Much Ado About Nothing, one of the few bits of Shakespeare I was able to decipher in its natural "olde englishe" language in the Kenneth Branagh film from a few years ago. I saw Macbeth with my school when i was 13 and ....well.........like all 13 year olds we were completely bemused by it. Strange language, convoluted acting, the opportunity to sit in the back with DW coz me mate told me she fancied me all contributed to this being a non event (including the ....ahem ....liason with the young lady DW). So, last night I gave it another shot. 27 years later and in English that i understood with a top quota of actors this was simply stunning. One of the best bits of drama I've seen in my life. A tale of skullduggery, deceit, jealousy and murder most horrid recreated brilliantly in the confines of a newly 3-Michelin Star decorated restaurant.

Of course, the purists will be apoplectic with rage and indignation at this "dumbing down" of our greatest playwright, but fuck 'em I say. Anything that brings this stuff to life for a mass audience (and old Will himself wrote and had them performed for the masses - don't forget this was the "common" langauage of the time) has to be a good thing doesn't it? To the purists I say this......"is this a dagger I see before me....."

Another Gold Star for the BBC to put on the page when justifying the licence fee. ShiteTV must be quivering with jealousy.

Later, GrocerJack

Night time again.....

So, according to some PC boffins at Oxford University, bad food leads to bad health. And this is the top news story on the usually level headed 5 Live this morning.

Here's another thing that leads to bad health, depression and general low morale.

TMFI Syndrome - or to give it the full name TOO MUCH FUCKING INFORMATION Syndrome. It is a hybrid of another pernicious virus rampaging through British, nay world society called STFO Syndrome - full medical name STATING THE FUCKING OBVIOUS Syndrome. And this is what we have to listen to. A bunch of bleeding heart Nanny State wankers harping on about what a bunch of clueless fuckwits we all are and how we should all have our freedoms curtailed because Nanny knows whats best for us all. Another removal of a "negative freedom" beckons as the Nanny State gets a firm grip on all of us ingrates.

Of course the NHS is overburdened, but we all the know the problem. Sick people clogging up what would undoubtedly be one fo the worlds best bureaucratic systems. Christ, just think of the efficiency gains to made form removing all sick people from the system.

So, to paraphrase a previous post is what the government thinks of us.

No drinking because you're ALL a bunch of binge drinking louts and hooligans.
No smoking, passive or active because you may die one day but its important that some smoke to pay taxes to fund the .....errrr....NHS....err..... maybe the poor or the bored
No junk food - no burgers, kebabs, hot dogs or anything that tastes nice. Just fruit, veg, and water. All of which is fresh and flown in from exotic places just for us
No sunbathing - skin cancer is not trendy and doesn't look good on the catwalk. If you must go out in the sun it is best to wear plenty of heavy clothes and barrier cream
No speeding - you may think car safety had advanced but it hasn't - cars are as dangerous today as they were in the early 20th century
No driving - you're the chief cause of the environment going to pot and global warming. Plus all the cumulative effects of those car hi-fi's is the speaker magnets are changing the magnetic field of the earth.
No sex - because you're all just a breeding ground for STD's.
No poultry because you're likely to be the cause of bird flu spreading you unclean, unhygienic plebs
Don't even think about having a bath or shower. Arid Britain is your fault!

and so on.....

What I don't understand, and would welcome any explanation for, is why we're all living so long despite all these threats, and hence why I am being told I'll have to work until I'm at least 70 before retiring?

Pourqoui?

Later, GrocerJack

Grey clouds with the odd sunny spell

As if......














Later, GrocerJack

A little ray of light

14 days until Sky + and ChelseaTV.

It's the little things that keep me going.

Later, GrocerJack

A slightly less dark grey

It must be something to do with the week moving on. I definitely hate the start of the week.

What about that last episode of Spooks season 4 tonight?

What a fucking ending. What a twist. You just knew it had wrapped up too easily with 10 minutes left.

Simply stunning.

And a whole fucking bastard bloody wanking year to wait to find out the fates of Adam and Harry.

As good as Doctor Who and continuing proof of the excellence of the BBC.

Later, SpookJack